CHOOSING YOUR TEAM LANYARDS
September heralds the autumn and the football season, a great time to sport your team lanyards. But outside of that there doesn’t seem to be much to celebrate. Or is there? Actually, September has some odd commemorations that shouldn’t be ignored or forgotten, even if they aren’t that celebrated. Read more here.
Since it’s football season, one might want to observe National Beheading Day, especially when our team or college just doesn’t deliver a good starting record. But it is held on September 2, so it might be a bit premature. Nobody knows how this pseudo-holiday came into being, but it’s in the books, and many historians have lost their heads trying to find its origins.
Before that, the first day of September gives us Emma M. Nutt Day. She was the first woman telephone operator in America. Why is this important, beyond any sexist jokes floating around? Good question, especially since telephone operators have long been replaced by automation in our technology age. Then again, the next day the country celebrates all those who had their heads cut off….
So we might as well go with the proverbial flow.
Things get stranger, because on September 8, we celebrate National Pardon Day. I mean, it’s a bit late when National Beheading Day was a week earlier. It could have saved a lot of lives! The truth is that this is a day when manners are to be observed, so make sure you go around saying “pardon me” and “excuse me” a lot.
Another latecomer in September happens on the 13th, when Blame Someone Else Day is held. That also would have worked before National Beheading Day. This celebration should actually be held on the first day of the year, when so many people break their New Year’s resolutions and need a scapegoat. Beyond this, I’m starting to think that September holidays were orchestrated by executioners (who, like telephone operators, are these days out of work).
And you certainly have to wonder about the wisdom of holiday picking in September, when there are such contradictions as Defy Superstition Day and Fortune Cookie Day, both held on the 13th. Which way to do you go? And what happens if the 13th falls on a Friday? All of this would make someone lose their heads or call someone who would listen to their problems. Maybe the executioners and telephone operators wanted this to happen, as they sit around with nothing to do but collect unemployment checks.
But there are later holidays in September that might help the trauma of these bizarre holidays. On September 16, there is Collect Rocks Day. There is no such thing as too many pet rocks, and at least they will listen to our problems. And with National Cheeseburger Day on the 18th everything gets better. The next day is National Talk Like a Pirate Day, which should completely alleviate any problems, unless of course it’s against the law, and then the unemployed executioners will be very happy.
Animals are certainly honored in September, like on September 22 with National Elephant Day. It’s obviously worked, since one rarely sees stray elephants roaming the streets of America. September 23 gives us Dogs In Politics Day. Okay, it’s really not about canines, but politicians (I’m sure you’re not surprised). And it’s no surprise also that the day has to do with Richard Nixon and his shenanigans.
With all these celebrations, you might forget about football, as well as be thankful your head is on your shoulders and smartphones make communication easy. But if that doesn’t happen, then at least forget about all of this and maybe focus on ordering your team lanyards.